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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.