Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."