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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
TEIAM - problem solved
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
The well behaved rarely make history.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?