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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.