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Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.