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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.