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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."