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Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
At least a stalker is there for you.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.