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"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when Iām making a questionable decision for my life.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
I just threw up my weekend.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Iām not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.