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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.