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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.