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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
When I tell stories about people I don’t like, I give them ridiculous voices.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.