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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?