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My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?