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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.