Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink