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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Don`t hate every single one of your friends yet? Get Facebook.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(