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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
drink beer ?? save water
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!