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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.