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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
This day needs more yesterday.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.