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Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
"Everybody freeze!" -December
I only accept apologies in cash.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium