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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.