Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
Gravity is a real downer.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.