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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!