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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Match dot com, but for socks.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat