Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
This headache feels like dumb people
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.