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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.