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Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....