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Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
I think I may be getting harder to love.
I`ve given up on giving up.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.