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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!