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This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.