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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
Velcro, what a rip-off!
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.