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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, I’m ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.