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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.