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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.