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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.