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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
Honk if you are reading this.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.