Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
I wish "friends with benefits" meant your friends paid all of your bills.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day