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If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.