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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.