Daily Silly Status

Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.

I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.

It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.

It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.

I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.

I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.

There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.

How do I tell a man he loves me?

I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.

I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.

I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.

I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either

Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.

Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were

If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.