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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.