Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
New day, same old bullsh!t
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.