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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
Plan B includes margaritas.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
If Iām going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then Iām going to need a bigger rug.
I need a new bad decision.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone