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No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.