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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.