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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.