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Vodka is just amazing water.
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
A court date is still technically a date, right?
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
My number was 0...
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...