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Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.