Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.