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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.