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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?