Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much Iām going to eat this week.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
After I die, there are some people Iām going to haunt the sh!t out of.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
If the shoe fits, buy it.
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.