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Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here