Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
I just awesomed all over the place.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective