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You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.