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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.