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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!