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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.